Wanderlust..Forever

Have you ever felt that you belong somewhere when you visit that place? Does your whole existence become a big question to you? Do you struggle to settle back in your mundane life? If yes, then join the club. This recently happened to me and I started questioning every thing in my life - my life till now, my job etc. etc. As Seth Godin said,  "If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try"  So I decided to take the risk.

Recently I went on a solo trip to Leh- Ladakh and was bitten by the travel bug - big time. I am now suffering from a deadly disease called WANDERLUST. I mean really, what was I doing for so long! I always loved travelling and have almost covered most of the North region of my country, but that was different. I never felt the way I am feeling now. Maybe because I went with my family and was not allowed to explore things my way. But this time, I don't know what but something happened for sure to me. Not able to put a finger on it but I am sure Kuch to hua hai...kuch ho gaya hai. 

I was in need for a break from this running around and was in dire need to find myself. I was feeling so lost and caught up in this materialistic world. I wanted to run away from every thing and never come back. I know it sounds very selfish, but this time I just wanted to think about myself. I wanted to do something for me. I was tired of pleasing everyone and trying to make them happy. I am a very optimistic and positive person, so it is very tough to bring me down. But my last relationship took away the energy from my body and soul and left me gasping. So yes I was hurt and I cried till there was no energy left to even do that. I felt like a drapetomaniac; all I wanted to do was run away and never come back. And it was always in my head - that if I have to run and go some place, where no one can reach me or contact me, it had to be Leh. And that was it. I had promised myself as a New Year resolution that no matter what, I would travel. Even if I have to die hungry. And also, I wanted to explore Leh on my own (before I get married to some chomu).

So I just made up my mind, found out a travel agent and finalised my plan. Packed my rucksack and lied a little to my parents (had to). My mum would have freaked out if she knew that her daughter, who is in the age to bore children but still a child for her, is going all the way to Leh, all ALONE. Sometimes one's got to do what one's got to do. Yeah, so I left my comfort zone, with loads of ideas about travelling alone in my little head and took a leap of faith. And I am glad I did it. If you get to experience something as serene and calm and beautiful and amazing and I don't know what else (falling short of words) as Leh, then I would do this always.

I think I had forgotten who was I. In the process of making  everyone happy, I had lost myself and my happiness. I had forgotten to smile meaninglessly. I had forgotten to love myself while I was trying to find love and love others. I had forgotten that I needed ME time more than anything else in the world. But now I know that girl is still there in me; I just had to bring her out from isolation. I shed all my inhibitions and did what I never thought I could do. Met so many people, made new friends, travelled alone, asked for lift from a total stranger and lived freely, without any tension.

I promise myself that for nothing else in the world I would ever let this girl get lost again. I would only get lost being a wanderer, exploring new destinations, meeting new people and living my life. I cross my heart and hope to die and I promise to be a wanderer forever. "Travel not to find yourself, but to remember who you have been all along" 

Love Conquers All

One thing which I am still trying to understand is that why are people always ready and waiting to ruin someone's happiness and life??? Waiting just to mess up everything in someone else's life?? I mean why??Why can not they just handle their own lives and live in their world??? WHY??? This is so infuriating at times. I think its the motto or modus operandi of their life.

She never thought it would ever happen to her. She never said or did anything bad about anyone, lest think about it. She was very happy in her own world but people just can not stay happy seeing someone else happy and at peace.

She had her fair share of relationships-both good and bad and obviously ups and down in her life. Like any other normal girl, she also had a past, which she was over now and really wanted to start her life on a fresh and positive note. But some people were just making sure that she never gets out of it. She had left everything behind her and was finding peace in small things all alone and the moment she thought, she was about to achieve it, people dragged her past infront of her.

After whatever happened in her life, she still wanted to give love a last chance and wanted to make her fairytale come true. She wanted to be happy and carefree again. Just engross herself in studies and work and see the world in a new light. And there was a person who was actually helping her do so. Yes, someone special came into her life, after a very long time she felt happy again. But she was scared on the other hand-about everything. Scared that she might end up hurting him or getting hurt again, scared to love again, scared about the fact that if he came to know about her past, he might stop loving her. So she did what she thought was best for both of them- she pushed him really hard and far away from herself. And hardly she knew that the man she pushed away, actually loved her so much. She was not able to sleep peacefully and kept on thinking about what to do. But finally one day, the inevitable happened,  which she was trying to run away from. Someone told him about her and even added up few things, which she just assumed and put all the blame on her!! She was shattered. And once again she was betrayed. She really confided in the other person and trusted her, but she never thought in her wildest dream that this would be the consequence. She did not know what to do and whom to turn to or trust now. But the man still loved her and came forward to support her. She really wanted to start her life on a fresh note with him. Even she loved him. And what else she could have ever wanted from life.

She knew this is the man she was always waiting for and now she could not afford to loose him- ever. She just needed to focus on her studies and work and the man of her life would support her, and yes even she would support him in everything he ventured. She just needed his support, trust, love and care and she knew the rest would follow. Because love conquers all, right.

I hope their love story finds a happy ending or rather a happy beginning of a new journey together. Amen!!

In or Out??

Like riding a roller coaster, or finding yourself in the middle of a maze, falling in love is the one of scariest part of being a human being. It is not easy. It takes a lot of courage and confidence to tell it to the person you love and courage to admit it even to yourself. It requires you to take risks, do things which you haven’t even done before, and conquer one of man’s greatest fear -rejection.  It is terrifying because you’ll never know if someone will always be there to catch you. We’re afraid to jump out from our comfort zone because we fear that we might just hit the floor real hard, hard enough to leave bruises and damages that may stay in our hearts forever.

Meanwhile, being in love can be considered as one of the most exciting part in our lives. Some may say that being in love is the greatest feeling that anyone can experience. They would say that we are lucky enough because we are made to love and to feel loved. It can really make a great impact in our lives. It can make your eyes flutter every time, can give unending butterflies in your tummy, make you stutter, make your knees feel like jelly, make you smile by just staring into space, make you believe in ‘happily ever after’, and the list goes on. It can give you an ‘out-of-this-world’ feeling and make you realize things that may change and inspire your life. It may change you to someone else whom you thought you would never be, someone whom you've always dreamed to be, or worse, someone whom others wished you to be. 

 But, most of the time, when love holds  us too tight and  brings us high enough to reach the climax of our happiness, it will suddenly loosen its grip and just let us fall and break into pieces again. Some may go through this smoothly and easily but some do not. Some will feel like they’ve been cheated or even think that they should’ve never fallen in the first place.Falling out of love is painful, suicidal, and crucial. It can change your views and even destroy the ideal world that you had created. It feels like you've been woken up from a long dream and find yourself facing reality alone again.

 People just tell you- its fine, its over, so move on now  but it is not. Its too easy said than done. You do not know exactly what it means till you actually go through the whole process yourself. Yes,  falling in love is the most powerful, exciting and most amazing thing that we can ever experience, and maybe that’s why falling out of love really hurts like hell...

Loosing someone....

In this life, people fear almost everything and one of the scariest thing that we could ever face is that everyday, we have to fight against the inevitable truth that we can lose someone we love in just a blink of an eye. One moment you're happy because the person you love is with you, and the next thing you knew, they're gone. Yes. Just like that. 

Well, losing someone, whether by death or by accident, that may be painful that is painful, but somehow, it's acceptable. At least you know that they're in a safe place resting with God. But when you lose someone by choice, whether yours or theirs, then that's a different story. 

Everyday, people will knock and leave from your life. They will come and go and it is never their choice whether to leave or stay. It is yours. You may always say that they want to leave you and you want to respect their decision, so you'll just let them off the hook and leave. Even though you don't want to, you'll just let them slip away and depart your life. 

But, let me tell you this. If there's one thing that I have experienced, it is....

 "If you really want someone to be in your life, then you've got to fight like hell to make sure that they'll stay. And if you feel like you can't convince them to stay, then make them realize what you have that urged them to be with you before."

But what if, even after you fighting a battle worth asking the person to stay back, the person chooses to still walk away from you?? What then?? Then it is best that you let the person go, because they have already decided about it and nothing can change their mind. If they are not ready to stay back in your life, whom would you even fight for?? So sometimes, even if you really want the person to be with you, you have to let them go..as you do not have any other alternative.

But do not take anyone for granted..ever. Because you never know when that person decides to leave you and you keep wondering where you went wrong...and you might never get an answer.

Teri Aahatein Nahi Hain...

Its amazing how a song can define you and your status..both at the same time. And she thought she found a song which defined her condition in such a simple way. 


She recently came across a song called Aahatein  from the upcoming movie Ek Main aur Ekk Tu. The words were so appropriate, she felt as if the lyricist somehow knew her and wrote the song just for her. 


The lyrics goes like this:

Choti choti baatein, yunhi aate jaate,

Yaadein sehlaake jaati hain..
Raaton ko sirhaane, baasi muskaane,
Mujhko sulaake jaati hai...
Milna nahin hai mumkin, itna batao lekin,
Hum phir mile kyun hain..
Tujhko bulaana paaun, tujhko bhulaana paaun,
Yeh silsile kyun hain..
Sab kuch wahi hai, par kuch kami hai,
Teri aahatein nahin hai..
Sab kuch wahi hai, par kuch kami hai,
Teri aahatein nahin hai, nahin hai...

Maine nahin jaana, tune nahin jaana,
Jaane anjaane jo hua...
Kuch toh hua jo, mujhko hua na,
Tujhko magar kyun hua...
Galti nahin hai teri, galti nahin hai meri,
Phir bhi gile kyun hain..
Tujhko bhulaana paaun, tujhko bhulaana paaun,
Yeh silsile kyun hain,,,
Sab kuch wahi hai (wahi hai), par kuch kami hai (kami hai)
Teri aahatein nahin hai..
Sab kuch wahi hai, par kuch kami hai...
Teri aahatein nahin hai, nahin hai, nahin hai...

Teri aahatein nahin hai, aahatein nahin hai
Teri aahatein nahin hai

Kyun, kyun nahin hai

She felt as if she was asking this to herself. Why?? Why was there a void feeling inside her?? Why was she not able to understand this space?? She kept on telling her that whatever happens, happens for a reason and its God's decision for you. And how can God be wrong?? If it was him, she would have questioned his judgement, but how can she dare question God?? Still she did. She asked God that whatever was happening to her, was it His decision that she was getting it through him??

The lines, she thought, which really described her situation was when he knew that he would not be their with her forever, then why did they meet? Why is she not able to forget him or let go? When he said its the best possible thing for everyone's betterment, why still she was not able to make herself to understand that?Everything is the same as it used to be around her, her family, her friends, still she felt something was missing from her life. What was it?? She was sitting alone and listening to this song on a repeat mode...then she realised it is no one else but him. He was missing. He was gone, taking his footsteps away from her..forever. The footsteps which used to make her feel elated and gleeful, were gone. They won't disturb her anymore..her silence....not anymore.

Holding back the tears....

I kind of keep asking myself little questions 
Like where do I go from here 
I seem to keep loosing track of time and how long it's been 
Since I last had you near 

Been a painful road to a door that's closed 
Been a gamble that I knew I couldn't win 
Been a lonely conversation to this photograph of you 
In the mirror there's a sing I must give in 

So I'm not holding back the tears anymore 
trying escape the heartache, trying escape emotion 
No I'm not holding back the tears anymore 
Yesterday's my memory reminding me of all the time 
I depended on you 

I used to enjoy spending my time on my own here 
Watching the jaded people pass 
Now here I am sharing their pain and their lonely tears 
And walking a road of broken glass 

It's a constant fight to get through each day and night
It's a war between the present and the past 
And the face that's in your mind every time you close your eyes 
What's the reason, what's the answer, how long will this last 

So I'm not holding back the tears anymore 
trying escape the heartache, trying escape emotion 
No I'm not holding back the tears anymore 
Yesterday's my memory reminding me of all the time 

Been a long time since I heard your last goobdye 
Still I hear it clearly every day and night 
What's the point in love when you have to give it up 
Yet still you need it and it's nowhere you can find 

So I'm not holding back the tears anymore 
trying escape the heartache, trying escape emotion 
No I'm not holding back the tears anymore 
Yesterday's my memory reminding me of all the time 
I depended on you

Only U...

When the cloud streak the sky,
The sparrow whistles to its mate
The breeze unravel my heart,
I search for you my friend..
I look for you in the depth of sea,
I feel you in the breeze
I see your reflection in places,
Where the trees over look the sea..
I gaze at the night sky,
I catch your glimpse in the moon
It seem to be the shadow,
Which stares at me every noon...
As I attempt to find you,
In the world beyond me
My eyes, my conscience tells,
You are here within me
And when I stand in front of the mirror,
Its you whom I see
I never see my own reflection,
Its always you, not me...

What is LOVE???

If you love someone because you think the person is really beautiful, then its not love...its infatuation..
If you love someone because you think that you shouldn't leave them as what will others think of you, then its not love...its compromise..
If you love someone because you can not leave them thinking that you would hurt them, then its not love...its charity..
If you love someone because you share everything with them, then its not love...its friendship..
But...
If you feel the pain of the other person when they are hurt and cry alongwith them....its love
If you handle their mood swings very patiently and hear them out....its love
If you hug them and make them feel special...its love
If you just be yourself and be there for your love, through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better for worse...its love

U...from someone special..:)

You...are the one who made me feel,
problems give you strength to deal.
and if you succeed, you'll be a HERO..
filled with energy and filled with zeal.


You are the one who made me understand,
its only love which lends you its hand.
It remains with you till the day you're gone,
and your life slips from your palms as sand...


You are the one who made me realise, 
life is meant to work, shine and rise.
It gives you the thing you yearn for,
and for me, you are the only prize.


You are the one because of whom I know,
what is love and that too true.
So one truth  want to confess,
is- I'll always be there for you...

Just Friends or......

Her first dream, her first friend,

his company where she didn't need to pretend.

To her, there wasn't anything more appealing

and not very later, this gave to a much stronger feeling.

But oh girl! The two are poles apart.

Friendship is a responsibility,love a commitment,

all you've done is read Mills & Boons, Eric Segal & Daniel Steel,

but the reality, sadly, none of these tell.

She longed for his magical touch , his one look.

'Best Friends' on the face, secretly she yearned for more than the hand she shook..

Wait oh, lass!

Let your brain not rule your brain,

let his words not drive you insane.

For him, you are just a comrade,

For him, love is a trade.

Stop oh damsel!

Do you even realise what path you are treading?

In silence secret chains of admiration you are threading

in his happiness, you find solace.

His dream is your dream, chase.

Think my dear, you didn't stop when it was needed,

to your emotions, his heart never heeded.

You held his hand, while he searched for the one he wanted to embrace.

His friendship to you is enough, it is God's holy grace.

Yet he hurt you, crumpled you, left you to die.

"We will always be together", time and again he mouthed the lie

and then he left her.....

Numb she sits, drying her wet eyes

to escape his hauntings, in vain she tries.

Yet he remains unknown of what you feel,

his love, your broken heart still loves to conceal...

And now you are gone.....

A moment ago you were here and now you are not.
Was this destined to be: a preconceived plot,
a farewell kiss and some unsaid words
as you took flight my migratory bird?
"We will stay in touch", you promised and I am sure
the day we hold hands again will I feel secure.
You acted brave and maintained your poise
and I had to be supportive, though did I have a choice?
Assurance is what my heart gets when left to ponder,
you up there. I now know why they say
"distance makes the heart grow fonder..."