Wanderlust..Forever

Have you ever felt that you belong somewhere when you visit that place? Does your whole existence become a big question to you? Do you struggle to settle back in your mundane life? If yes, then join the club. This recently happened to me and I started questioning every thing in my life - my life till now, my job etc. etc. As Seth Godin said,  "If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try"  So I decided to take the risk.

Recently I went on a solo trip to Leh- Ladakh and was bitten by the travel bug - big time. I am now suffering from a deadly disease called WANDERLUST. I mean really, what was I doing for so long! I always loved travelling and have almost covered most of the North region of my country, but that was different. I never felt the way I am feeling now. Maybe because I went with my family and was not allowed to explore things my way. But this time, I don't know what but something happened for sure to me. Not able to put a finger on it but I am sure Kuch to hua hai...kuch ho gaya hai. 

I was in need for a break from this running around and was in dire need to find myself. I was feeling so lost and caught up in this materialistic world. I wanted to run away from every thing and never come back. I know it sounds very selfish, but this time I just wanted to think about myself. I wanted to do something for me. I was tired of pleasing everyone and trying to make them happy. I am a very optimistic and positive person, so it is very tough to bring me down. But my last relationship took away the energy from my body and soul and left me gasping. So yes I was hurt and I cried till there was no energy left to even do that. I felt like a drapetomaniac; all I wanted to do was run away and never come back. And it was always in my head - that if I have to run and go some place, where no one can reach me or contact me, it had to be Leh. And that was it. I had promised myself as a New Year resolution that no matter what, I would travel. Even if I have to die hungry. And also, I wanted to explore Leh on my own (before I get married to some chomu).

So I just made up my mind, found out a travel agent and finalised my plan. Packed my rucksack and lied a little to my parents (had to). My mum would have freaked out if she knew that her daughter, who is in the age to bore children but still a child for her, is going all the way to Leh, all ALONE. Sometimes one's got to do what one's got to do. Yeah, so I left my comfort zone, with loads of ideas about travelling alone in my little head and took a leap of faith. And I am glad I did it. If you get to experience something as serene and calm and beautiful and amazing and I don't know what else (falling short of words) as Leh, then I would do this always.

I think I had forgotten who was I. In the process of making  everyone happy, I had lost myself and my happiness. I had forgotten to smile meaninglessly. I had forgotten to love myself while I was trying to find love and love others. I had forgotten that I needed ME time more than anything else in the world. But now I know that girl is still there in me; I just had to bring her out from isolation. I shed all my inhibitions and did what I never thought I could do. Met so many people, made new friends, travelled alone, asked for lift from a total stranger and lived freely, without any tension.

I promise myself that for nothing else in the world I would ever let this girl get lost again. I would only get lost being a wanderer, exploring new destinations, meeting new people and living my life. I cross my heart and hope to die and I promise to be a wanderer forever. "Travel not to find yourself, but to remember who you have been all along" 

The Lost Book and Friend

Sometimes, somethings in life are supposed to happen, or much better destined to happen. I lost two priceless things from my life- my friend and the book i got from my friend, in a very short span of time. The first one i lost because of the circumstances of life, but the second one because of my cousin. 

I met my friend when i was a teenager. We never actually spoke a lot, but we knew we were friends (somehow that was the basic instinct). We had plenty of time to meet and chat, but we never actually did, because my friend was really shy in nature or maybe because he was scared of me..joke. Days passed, but we hardly socialized with each other. We used to say hi and bye for sure, but that was it. Few months later, we made some progress. It was winter and kids in the society used to play badminton. So one fine day, he also cam to play and that's when we got chatting. We shared a great camaraderie and it was fun. Days passed in a haze and he cleared his higher secondary and decided to do Engineering. He got admission in a very good college and he even called me home to show me the prospectus and everything related to his course. The glow and happiness on his face was enough for anyone to know how ecstatic he was and then he left the place to pursue his dreams. I had seen him working really hard to achieve his dreams, and it was totally worth. After sometime, it was my time to do the same, and I landed in Mumbai with heart full of dreams and aspirations. We were settled in different cities, and somehow we lost touch and were back to square one - not talking to each other.

Was it destiny or what, I don't know but i think we were supposed to meet. We met on Facebook (thanks to Mark Zucherberg for the innovation) and got chatting. And then he said he was also in Mumbai. I was happy as i found a known face in this crowd. It was like old times. We met and made fun of each other that how we used to behave and shy out from each other. We made the town alive by our mischief. Time just flew. I was happy to find my friend again. But as they say - happiness doesn't stay for longer period of time. The same happened with us. We had some sort of disagreement and the situation went out of our hands. When he was leaving Mumbai, i went to meet him. He gifted me a book - "Breathless in Mumbai", and wrote a message on the first page of the book. It read - "to the person, who loves Mumbai as much as I do". He kept waving at me from the airport entrance and that was the last I saw of him.

Back at home, in my spare time, I started reading the book. It was a collection of short stories which the author had experienced. I only got to read till 3-4 chapters. Then my cousin's wedding came up and I had to keep the book aside. My other cousin took the book from me to read, as I kept on praising about the book, and she took it to her office. There her friend borrowed it from her and somehow she lost it. And that was the last I saw the book.

I never got to finish the book. The stories were left unread. I felt as if the book was mocking me. I guess the book also decided to leave me halfway. Just like the book, my friend never came back. Now he's happily married and I'm damn happy for him. But the one thing which pinches me is that I came to know about him via mediums. I know life doesn't stop for anyone, it moves on. But i guess some stories are not meant to reach a climax- no matter good or bad. Some stories are better left unfinished.....

The Colour of Friendship..for my best friend forever...:)

A dog thought it would be wonderful,
if the colour of friendship was Purple.
A fox thought it would be strange,
to have the colour of friendship Orange.
Somebody once had said,
the colour of friendship is Red.
Then somebody thought they knew,
the colour of friendship is Blue.
According to a funny fellow,
the colour of friendship is Yellow.
A calico cat with a very sly wink,
purred the colour of friendship is Pink.
A child who did lie a lot,
said the colour of friendship is Violet.
Someone shouted with fright,
the colour of friendship is White.
But I heard a sweet echo call back,
perhaps the colour of friendship is Black.
People said it was decreed by a queen,
the colour of friendship is Green.
The mayor of a friendly town,
stated the colour of friendship is Brown.
Maybe the man on the moon,
wondered if friendship is Maroon..
But in reality there is no colour of friendship....
Friendship is just having fun,
when you are with someone.
Right from the start,
friendship comes from HEART......

Just Friends or......

Her first dream, her first friend,

his company where she didn't need to pretend.

To her, there wasn't anything more appealing

and not very later, this gave to a much stronger feeling.

But oh girl! The two are poles apart.

Friendship is a responsibility,love a commitment,

all you've done is read Mills & Boons, Eric Segal & Daniel Steel,

but the reality, sadly, none of these tell.

She longed for his magical touch , his one look.

'Best Friends' on the face, secretly she yearned for more than the hand she shook..

Wait oh, lass!

Let your brain not rule your brain,

let his words not drive you insane.

For him, you are just a comrade,

For him, love is a trade.

Stop oh damsel!

Do you even realise what path you are treading?

In silence secret chains of admiration you are threading

in his happiness, you find solace.

His dream is your dream, chase.

Think my dear, you didn't stop when it was needed,

to your emotions, his heart never heeded.

You held his hand, while he searched for the one he wanted to embrace.

His friendship to you is enough, it is God's holy grace.

Yet he hurt you, crumpled you, left you to die.

"We will always be together", time and again he mouthed the lie

and then he left her.....

Numb she sits, drying her wet eyes

to escape his hauntings, in vain she tries.

Yet he remains unknown of what you feel,

his love, your broken heart still loves to conceal...